Page 247 - 4188

245

1. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. Successful
negotiators are assertive and challenge everything – they know that
everything is negotiable. I call this negotiation consciousness. It was
Number One on my previous list and it stays at the helm in 2013.

Negotiation consciousness is what makes the difference between
negotiators and everybody else on the planet. Being assertive means
asking for what you want and refusing to take NO for an answer.

Practice expressing your feelings without anxiety or anger. Let people
know what you want in a non-threatening way. Practice 'I' statements.
For example, instead of saying, "You shouldn't do that," try substituting,
"I don't feel comfortable when you do that."

Note that there is a difference between being assertive and being
aggressive. You are assertive when you take care of your own interests
while maintaining respect for the interests of others. When you see to

your own interests with a lack of regard for other people's interests, you
are aggressive. Being assertive is part of negotiation consciousness.
"Challenge" means not taking things at face value. It means

thinking for yourself. You must be able to make up your own mind, as
opposed to believing everything you are told. On a practical level, this
means you have the right to question the asking price of that new car. It

also means you have an obligation to question everything you read in the
newspaper or hear on CNN. You cannot negotiate unless you are willing
to challenge the validity of the opposing position.
2. Shut up and listen. I am amazed by all the people I meet who

can't stop talking. Negotiators are detectives. They ask probing questions
and then shut up. The other negotiator will tell you everything you need
to know – all you have to do is listen.Many conflicts can be resolved

easily if we learn how to listen. The catch is that listening is the
forgotten art. We are so busy making sure that people hear what we have
to say that we forget to listen.
You can become an effective listener by allowing the other person

to do most of the talking. Follow the 70/30 Rule – listen 70 percent of
the time, and talk only 30 percent of the time. Encourage the other
negotiator to talk by asking lots of open-ended questions – questions that

can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no."
3. Do your homework. This is what detectives do. Gather as much
pertinent information prior to your negotiation. What are their needs?

What pressures do they feel? What options do they have? Doing your
homework is vital to successful negotiation. You can't make accurate