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the same boat. But as to inventing whole cases, it seems rather daring,
does it not?"
"A desperate disease needs desperate remedies, " said I. "You
remember old Hobson at college. He writes once a year to the British
Medical and asks if 'any correspondent can tell him how much it costs
to keep a horse in the country. And then he signs himself in the
Medical Register as "The contributor of several unostentatious
queries and remarks to scientific papers"!'
It was quite a treat to hear Crabbe laugh with his old student
guffaw. "Well, old man, " he said, "we'll talk it over tomorrow. We
mustn't be selfish and forget that you are a visitor here. Come along
out, and see the beauties (save the mark!) of Brisport. " So saying he
donned a funereal coat, a pair of spectacles and a hat with a
desponding brim, and we spent the remainder of the evening roaming
about and discussing mind and matter.
We had another council of war next day. It was a Sunday, and
as we sat in the window, smoking our pipes and watching the
crowded street we brooded over many plans for gaining notoriety.
"I've done Bob Sawyer's dodge, " said Tom despondingly. "I
never go to church without rushing out in the middle of the sermon,
but no one knows who I am, so it is no good. I had a nice slide in
front of the door last winter for three weeks, and used to give it a
polish up after dusk every night. But there was only one man ever fell
on it, and he actually limped right across the road to Markham's
surgery. Wasn't that hard lines? "
"Very hard indeed, " said I.
"Something might be done with orange peel,' continued Tom,
'but it looks so awfully bad to have the whole pavement yellow with
peel in front of a doctor's house.'
'It certainly does, " I agreed.
'There was one fellow came in with a cut head one night, " said
Tom, 'and I sewed him up, but he had forgotten his purse. He came
back in a week to have the stitches taken out, but without the money.
That man is going about to this day, Jack, with half a yard of my
catgut in him — and in him it'll stay until I see the coin. "
"Couldn't we get up some incident, " said I, "which would bring
your name really prominently before the public?'
"My dear fellow, that's exactly what I want. If I could get my
name into the Brisport Chronicle it would be worth five hundred a