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as courage, quickness, personal charm, likeableness – the less said
about them the better.
Quite naturally, then, after coming to such conclusions, I was
careful not to make advances to women. The only one I ever
attempted to approach – a housemiad in the hotel – put me in my
place with a very suitable word –“you poor fish,” she said. And so I
became gradually convinced that I was worth nothing at all and that
the best thing for me to do was to keep quiet, in a corner, so as not to
get in anybody’s way.
But what a queer thing fate is: the last thing I should have
expected was that, in that very hotel kitchen, I met Ida, the new
scullery-maid. Ida, among women, was just what I was among men: a
poor fish. Like me, she was small and twisted, scraggy, insignificant.
But she was passionate, restless, gay, a devil. We quickly became
friends, owing to the fact that we stood in front of the same dishes
and the same greasy water; and then one thing leading to another, she
prevailed upon me to invite her one Sunday to go to the cinema. I
invited her out of politeness. When she came out, she explained to me
that she had been noticing me for some time, from the very day that
she had been taken on at the hotel. That, ever since then, she had done
nothing but think about me.
It was the first time that a woman, even a woman like Ida, had
said things like this to me, and I lost my head.
But I still felt profoundly astonished, and although she went on
repeating that she was mad about me, I failed to be convinced. “Now
do tell me, I should like to know what it is you see in me?” I asked
her. “How do you manage to love me?” And would you believe it?
Ida used to cling on to my arm with both hands, raise an adoring face
towards me, and answer: “I love you because you have all the good
qualities… for me you’re just living perfection.” And I would repeat:
“All the good qualities? Well I never knew that before.” She said:
“Yes, all… To begin with, you’re so good-looking.” I couldn’t lelp
laughing. “Me good-looking?” She said: “Yes, good-looking,
besides, you’re so intelligent.” I asked: “Me intelligent? Why,
everybody says I’m an idiot.” She replied, “they say it out of envy,
but you are intelligent, extremely intelligent… When you talk, I listen
to you open-mouthed… You’re the most intelligent person I’ve ever
met. And then you are strong… very, very strong. Besides, if you
really want to know, you’ve got something about you that I just

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